uclean, iclean, we all clean...

Just Like Working Out...

2009-03-23T18:15:00.001-07:00

Blogging is a lot like working out. At least it is for me.

In other words, it goes in spurts. I blog like a madman, then give up blogging for more interesting pursuits, like watching The Amazing Race.

Then I come back. I don't know if this post would constitute "coming back" but I would say it's a good start.

As an interesting side-note, my wife has been in Kauai for the last week. She went with friends and have had a great time. Her plane lands tomorrow morning at 9:10 am. My plane for New York takes off at 8:30 am... Yes, we miss each other by 40 minutes.

Order # 10000

2009-03-20T14:19:00.000-07:00

Hit a big milestone with http://www.uClean.com

ORDER # 10000!!!!

For all of you people who thought cleaning supplies wouldn't ever make it...

SUCK IT!

Me in Paris

2008-08-09T21:57:00.000-07:00

Jenny & I atop Notre Dame

Me & Mona Lisa

More description of the trip to come, but just had to post a quick picture or two!

Embarassing Moment # 589

2008-07-20T20:33:00.000-07:00

On Friday, we were doing a video shoot at the UVU campus. I had a meeting first thing that morning, so I wore some jeans instead of wearing shorts like I wanted to. But I brought some shorts and flip-flops to put on after the meeting was over. (side note - as it turned out, the other two people attending my meeting were in shorts... Of course...)

So I went to my truck with the intention of changing into my shorts. My truck is a four-door truck, so after giving a brief look-around, opening both front and back doors for the little "dressing room" effect, I started to drop my jeans. I had one leg out and was bending over and twisting a little and out of the corner of my eye I saw something that made me wish I had disappearing skills. There was a man and woman in the car right next to me... My butt was about 12 inches from the woman's window. They were both dying laughing...

I didn't know whether to try and hurry and get my pants back on or go on and get my shorts on. It was probably sixes as far as time goes, so I hurried and got my shorts on, gave them a little wave and that "sorry about that" look and hurried off...

Until the next EM...

Pood Court

2008-07-17T21:04:00.000-07:00

Today I was in a meeting, and using my mad white board skills, I was drawing a map of the UVU campus for the group. My "F" looked like a "P" in "Food Court."

I checked my zipper/nose/cheek/chin/hair/shirt/etc to see why everyone was laughing.

Come to find out it was just junior high humor. I laughed too, cause that junior high stuff is FUNNY!

Moved & Trees

2008-06-16T21:54:00.000-07:00

If you don't know by now, I've moved to Highland. Not "the Highlands", cause I think that's either in Scotland or it's a show on the WB. It's Highland, UT.

We moved here because we wanted a new home, a bigger lot and a new surrounding. We've loved it so far. It's a great neighborhood, great school for Jacob (yes, he was in kindergarten this last year) and overall it's been great.

A quick note about the "wind". I use the quotation marks because, well, "wind" doesn't nearly do justice the hurricane force winds we get out here sometimes. It was bad through the winter and spring, but the summer has been wonderful. Keeping my fingers crossed it will stay that way.

This spring, I was wanting to get the yard going. I hired a landscaper (quick shout-out to Dave Prina with Hilltop Landscaping) and got the process rolling. After a bit of deliberation and brainstorming, it was decided to plant a few trees.... Few=180 trees... No, that was not a typo, not a mistake. We planted 180 trees around my whole lot (it's a big lot!). I have now completely done my part to stem the whole "green-house gases" problem. I am exempt for the rest of my life. I can drive a Hummer or tank and no one can say I haven't done something to help save the planet.

I also planted a garden... Not going so well... Although, I did pick a banana pepper tonight, take a bite and then head into the house to grab a drink to dampen the fire in my mouth. Well, in my moment of excitement having "lived off the land", I went to adjust my contact in my eye... With the hand that had pepper juice on it... My eye looked like I'd had someone kick my butt. Not one of my finer moments. Yes I scored high on the ACT, but that doesn't mean I'm always smart...

Finally, you will find me buying a riding mower in the coming weeks. Cause mowing a half acres worth of grass SUCKS!

Maui & Blue Steel

2008-06-14T13:16:00.000-07:00

For the third year in a row, we went to Maui with the whole family. The big banyan tree in Lahaina has the same birthday as Jacob!

Swim, eat, scuba dive, sleep, read, eat, swim, drive around, and just generally relax.

But the best thing about the whole trip was Jacob's first real modeling moment. Please see the attached photo for his "Blue Steel!"

The Backyard

2008-05-21T22:11:00.000-07:00

A little ride with the kids in the backyard!

Missing Sports Center

2008-04-07T20:55:00.000-07:00

Been a long time since I've watched Sports Center. Need to catch up on it!

Monday

2008-04-07T09:51:00.000-07:00

I've really come to hate Mondays. I know that sounds very cliche, and I recognize that it's fairly unoriginal. But I think I've proven myself to be one that isn't afraid to try different things. I tried tomatoes, still hate them. I tried snowboarding, ended up loving it. I tried more Italian food, and found a couple things I enjoy. I tried reading the Stephanie Meyer books, and realize they are for women.

As I said, I've given Monday many opportunities to prove itself to me. I've gone so far as to try and encourage others to enjoy Mondays thinking it might help me to enjoy them more.

It's snowing this morning. The drive into work that should be 20 minutes, took 45. I've got annoying issues I have to deal with already this morning.

So, I've come to the conclusion Monday's actually do suck*. They would be better off not existing, and I would be better off staying in bed on such mornings.

* Monday Night Football is the exception to this whole blog.

The Giving Tree

2008-02-20T19:43:00.000-08:00

Tonight I read "The Giving Tree", by Shel Silverstein to my son. If you haven't ever read it, or haven't read it in a while, it's a good one to pick up and read again.

I actually got a little choked up reading it. Maybe it was the hell of a day that I had, or something else, but it really hit me.

First off, having my son sit on my lap, and reading to him is one of the great things of my life. And I know, that in that relationship, I am the tree. I would give everything, and then some for him to be happy.

Then there are other relationships where I feel like I'm the boy. I feel like I'm taking and taking and never quite happy. It sucks. I need to evaluate what really makes me happy. Where does my happiness come from?

Then there are relationships where I'm the tree. Friends, family, businesses, situations, memories, aspirations and others that take and take from me, and never seem to give back. How do you handle that? I want to be a giver. I want to be a person that people know they can depend on. I want to be a guy that works for something and gives what it takes. But in the end, do I end up a stump?

Writer's Strike Three...

2008-01-28T19:49:00.000-08:00

I understand the need for some people to feed their families, pay their mortgages and pay for health insurance, and for others to run successful and profitable companies, but DAMNIT, I need my new TV!!! You're killing me!

Re-runs have always held a special place in my heart. I can recite many episodes of Seinfeld and M*A*S*H*, and of course enjoy the nostalgic nature of American Gladiator. But with football season coming to an end, and LOST coming back to torture me, I'm feeling like I can't hardly breath.

For the love, end the madness and let me get back to my TV!!!

Mitt Romney

2008-01-19T13:40:00.000-08:00

So I've been following the elections closer than I normally do. Most would say that's because of the Mormon factor, and yes, that's partly why, but also because of the current state of our country.

Several years ago, I voted for Ross Perot. I did this for one big reason, I want to see what a business person can do in the White House. Mitt Romney has proven he can go into companies, organizations and events and turn them around. I believe he can do the same thing in Washington.

Okay, that's about all the politics I'm going to blog on...

A Quote That Sums Up My Day's Thoughts

2007-10-09T22:00:00.000-07:00

"O that a man might know the end of this days business ere it come! But it sufficeth that the day will end, and then the end is known."

- William Shakespeare's Julius Caesar

Chicago

2007-09-29T00:11:00.000-07:00

Here I come!

BYU Football Preview

2007-08-20T10:28:00.000-07:00

A couple years ago I started providing my Dad a preview of BYU football each year. Here's my attempt at sports reporting!

Highlights:

BYU is considered by many, both local and national to have one of the best Offensive Lines in the country. They're big, fast, strong, deep and experienced. This bodes well for a new QB needing an extra second or two.

Our core of running backs are BRUISERS!!! We've got four guys who all weigh above 225, can run fast, and catch the ball. This will be beneficial for several reasons, 1- they'll provide assistance in any blocking scheme, 2- Behind the O-line should be able to move the ball, and 3- with both of our All-American tight ends leaving last year, they'll provide a little assistance catching the ball out of the backfield.

Wide receivers are fast, plentiful and much more familiar with the offense. This should be a plus for us this year.

The linebackers are stronger, faster and better than ever. We're also pretty deep, so we should be able to keep fresh legs on the field throughout the game. We lost Cameron Jensen last year, but he was backed up by a lot of talent. The new 3-4-4 defense implemented last year opened it up for the LB's to really take over. They now have a whole years experience with the new defensive scheme, so that will help.

Excitement is high around here. The season ticket sales are at a new high. With the student ticket sales, they should set some records this year if they win some games.

Our schedule is favorable. We play a Arizona at home to open, and then get to play TCU and Utah at home near the end of the season. Both TCU and Utah are picked in the top three with BYU in the preseason polls.

Lowlights:

Obviously a new QB raises some questions. He's performed well in spring ball and fall ball, but until you actually have big fast black men running at you, you don't know how you're going to react.

We lost our big talented tight ends. No one has really stepped up yet to fill the slots. I'm sure someone will step into the role, but probably not two like last year.

Our secondary is hurting! Both literally and figuratively. Two of the projected starters are out for the season with injuries already. This is spelling trouble. If there's a bright side here it's that our linebackers should help ease a little pressure.

Our starting nose guard just tore his ACL and MCL so he's out for the season. The D-line is already pretty young, so this hurt a lot. They're scrambling to find some guys for the D-line. Where a weak secondary can be helped by a strong linebacker crew, a weak D-line hampers the linebackers ability to float and roam. They'll have to stay home more to cover for the D-line.

Our kicking game MAY be a problem! Both place kicker and punter are new and without experience. The place kicker was going to be the punter too, but the coaches decided to get him to concentrate on place kicking only. To me this says, "uh oh, we need him to spend all of his time on place kicking cause it's not coming along as we'd like it to." The punter they found does have some experience in JC, and his kicks have great hang time, but again, Division 1 is a whole different story.

Summary:

We're undefeated right now, so that's always a good thing. Optimism is high and the fans are going nuts. Bronco Mendenhall has people believing in Cougar football again, but after two seasons most people still felt the same way about Gary Crowton. BYU just gave Bronco a contract extension through I believe 2012, and he's making almost $1 million a year in salary. It makes him comparable to other coaches in Division 1. This huge salary comes from a group of donors called the "Coaches Circle" who decided last year that BYU needed to start paying more to keep the coaches here.

Recruiting is going very well, and BYU is landing the big in state recruits again, as well as recruiting well in the islands. The new BYU facilities are winning us recruits. In a recent coaches poll, BYU ranked in the top 10 for facilities in the country. When you see the new indoor practice facility, the new football locker room and film facilities, you have to agree.

BYU has a chance for national respect with a win against PAC-10 teams Arizona (at home) and UCLA (in Pasadena). The UCLA game will be tough... I expect us to be 1-1 after two games, but we can always hope...

From the outset, the schedule looks favorable, and the team has some strong talent, so now all that's left to do is ACTUALLY PLAY FOOTBALL!!!

GO COUGARS!!!

Oops I Buzzed It Again

2007-06-18T16:47:00.000-07:00

As a show of solidarity with my good friend (and by "good friend" I mean, she worships me) Britney Spears, I decided to buzz my head. I wanted to show her that she wasn't alone in this topsy turvy world. It was important for me to show the rest of the world that it's OKAY to buzz one's head.

No I draw the line on my show of solidarity at wearing underwear. I must wear underwear when I wear short shorts. So I guess I'm not as solidare as I thought. And of course, there's the stint in rehab. I did spend a night in Milwaukee, which certainly has to count for some sort of rehab, cause like rehab, why else would you go there? And that tattoo? Well, I think it's fairly common knowledge my fear of needles, so that one goes without saying.

So Britney, I'm with you! Please just don't pierce your nipples, cause that would hurt!!!

Societal Spacial Awareness

2007-06-06T16:57:00.000-07:00

Someday, the term "Societal Spacial Awareness" or SSA, will be understood by all the world. And it will have it's roots with me. And I won't be bashful or modest about it, I will smile broadly and tell everyone to "back up, you're crowding me!"

SSA refers to many different situations. Too many to even list here, but I will give a couple for sake of understanding better what this earth-changing term is:

1 - When shopping at a grocery/warehouse/mall/anywhere, think about more than just yourself. Realize where you're at, what other people are doing there, and GET THE HELL OUT OF THE MIDDLE OF THE AISLE WHEN YOU'RE CONTEMPLATING LO-FAT VS. REGULAR!!!

2 - You've waited yourself for several long minutes to get gas at Costco. You've watched people in front of you dilly-dally in getting to their gas and cursed them for their laziness and inconsideration. Then, you get up there, unprepared to pay, pump or think... You turn into that same idiot that went before you. But now you think that you're in the position of power, you seem to lose your memory of 5 minutes before. I CURSE YOU!!!

3 - When loading a plane, you lament the fact that the plane is late, you're going to miss an all important TV show (The Office) and you aren't sure your TIVO is set. Finally the plane is ready to board, and what do you do? YOU STAND IN THE AISLE BLOCKING EVERYONE ELSE WHILE YOU GET OUT YOUR BOOK, PEN, PAPER, ETC... ALL THE WHILE FORGETTING YOUR BRAIN!!!

So you get the idea. It's a simple concept, but one not understood by many, if not most of the world. I plan to change that. It may be grass-roots, or even blockbuster, but I WILL get the point across and make people more aware!!! And if they don't, then I'm hoping to lobby Congress to put into law a bill allowing the culling of people who are Non-SSA people. If that fails (which would be a shame), I'll work to deport them all to a place where they'd fit right in... France.

Birthday Joy!

2007-04-10T12:35:00.000-07:00

So for my office treat today, I arranged for three (and sort of four) of my favorite things!!!

Chili's Chips & Salsa
Chili's Boneless Buffalo Wings w/ Ranch
Dunford Chocolate Donuts from Costco
(Diet Coke)

Now, the sublime joy of these treats lasted about 20-30 minutes. Everyone grazed and had a great time laughing and loving the moment. BUT, the problem with now getting older is, that JOY just went straight to my BUTT AND GUT!!! So now I have to ride that little thin-wheeled bike of mine forever just to get rid of those Dunford Abs...

But the moment was wonderful!

Happy Birthday To Me!!!

THE "DROP IN"

2007-03-26T15:44:00.000-07:00

I HATE THE "DROP IN!"

In business, it's NOT ACCEPTABLE, to JUST DROP IN!!! Seriously! If you have a business need, or are trying to get someone's business, DON'T JUST DROP IN!!! It's very unprofessional, as well as ANNOYING AS HELL!!! I don't use this many CAPITALIZED words very often, so YOU MUST KNOW I'M UPSET!!!

Too many people think it's okay, and even indicates their anxiousness or desire to get something done. IT DOESN'T!!! It only serves to make the person being "dropped in on" angry and WISH you'd NEVER DROP IN AGAIN!!! And further more, it brings on the feeling of wishing, YOU'D DROP DEAD!!!

It's also known as "stopping by" or "just in the neighborhood" or "I'm really annoying so here I am."

Okay, I feel a little betTER!!! Apparently still have a little anger inside...

Red Rock Bike Ride

2007-03-19T20:26:00.000-07:00

So, first real bike ride of the season was yesterday at Red Rock Canyon outside Las Vegas. Beautiful day for a ride, going with my friend. He had blown a tube while pumping his tire up, so I gave him my tube. My only extra tube. My only tube that I carry in my pack on my back for when I need a tube, tube. My only tube that is wonderful to have so you don't have to try and patch a flat on the side of the road, tube. You get the idea...

So we start the ride.

Less than 20 seconds into the ride, my "friend" realizes he forgot his gloves, so he wants to go back to the truck. As I start turning around to go back, I hit some gravel, and eat it. I was going about 3 miles an hour at the time, so the only thing really hurt, besides a few scratches and bruises on my left leg, was my manly pride. Which in reality, when you're mounting up for a road bike ride, in tight spandex and a geeky helmet, is already extremely fragile.

I recovered nicely from the spill, using a few choice words to help mend my broken ego (not to mention almost broken iPod), and the ride was back heading in the "right" direction.

Unfortunately that "right" direction was uphill and into the wind. Nice...

Now I'm huffing and puffing up this hill, in my spandex and geeky helmet, and wondering "why do I do this to myself?"

Finally, the legs get going, my butt starts to go numb (a good thing given the sliver that I call a seat) and I'm feeling pretty good. We ride to our turn around spot, 10.77 miles away.

side note - If we had turned right at our "turn around" spot, and driven about 20 miles, we would have been in Pahrump, NV, home of legalized prositution...

So we take a minute, take a drink, and start off again. I'm having a little bit of hard time clipping into my shoes clips, so my friend is a ways ahead of me. At approximately 11.47 miles, I feel an awkward feeling in my rear tire. Besides it being flat, I'm feeling something bumping every rotation. It's only an inch and a half long nail, all the way through my tire and tube...

Now, those of you paying attention, will remember, I no longer have an extra tube...

So, again, after helping my situation greatly by expressing my displeasure with a few choice words, I start walking... Without any pride/ego/manliness. Cause besides my spandex and geeky helmet, now I'm walking beside my bike, in the middle of nowhere. Anyone familiar with biking shoes knows, walking is not a normal looking event when wearing clips on the balls of your feet. Awkward...

And to make things worse, my "friend" (notice the use of the " ") didn't notice my absence behind him for several miles/minutes, only focusing on the road and the Coldplay playing from his new Shuffle.

After what seems like a leap year, my "acquaintence" (notice the use of the word 'acquaintence') returned, with MY tube serving to keep some distance between he and the road. Upon learning of my dilemna, this "person" (notice my use of angry words) took off to go get the truck, leaving me to sit on the side of the road, in my spandex.

At least I got to take off my geeky helmet while waiting for his return.

But, my pride, like my tire, was flat...

Classic!

2007-03-16T20:28:00.000-07:00

"Billy Idol Gets It, I Don't Know Why She Doesn't Get It"
- Robbie

Traveling...

2007-03-03T09:24:00.000-08:00

I am SO sick of traveling right now... In the last month I've been to New Orleans, LA; Mobile, AL; Los Angeles Twice; and Portland, OR. And now I have to go to L.A., Vegas and Wisconsin in the next three weeks. Unfortunately none of it was for fun. Sure, I had a little fun at each stop. Here's the highlights (and lowlights) of the previous stops:

New Orleans
Highlight - Drove to the airport at 4:00 am while there were tornado's all around. AWESOME lightning!
Lowlight - Walked down Bourbon Street during one of the first days of Mardi Gras. Nasty.

Mobile
Highlight - Learned what a Po'Boy is and ate a Crab Po'Boy for lunch. Oh, and bought a new shirt at a BR.
Lowlight - Could NOT understand what half of the people were saying to me.

Los Angeles 1
Highlight - Bought a new blazer from BR that has quickly become my favorite and saw Casino Royale for the second time.
Lowlight - Missed an appointment with the largest music publisher in the world when I couldn't find a parking spot.

Los Angeles 2
Highlight - Drove a Dodge Magnum for the first time.
Lowlight - Drove a Dodge Magnum for the first time.

Portland
Highlight - Ate a yummy tomato-less guacamole appetizer.
Lowlight - Ate a seriously greasy chimichanga after the yummy appetizer.

I'm really hoping for a Laverne & Shirley moment in Milwaukee!

Randomness: The Return of the Sick

2007-01-27T08:46:00.000-08:00

I would rather break a bone or sprain a joint than have stomach flu.

Who started the "Styling" of hair? Cause they ought to have their butts kicked.

The "Buy it Now" option on E-Bay seems to be such a contradiction of the concept of a bidding site.

Sometimes I think it would be fun to be Jewish, cause then it would be okay to make comments like "Oy Vey!" I do it anyway, but then it would be more legit.

Didn't AT&T just "become" Cingular? Now Cingular is the "NEW AT&T?"

Remember the short basketball shorts? Do you think they'll ever come back into fashion?

http://www.mynoahs.com/ (Interesting concept...)

Some of the best structures I ever built were out of Lego's. WHY isn't there bigger Lego's that I could build/rebuild a house out of?

I love Animal Planet!

Personal hygiene seems to go out the window when you have stomach flu.

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE: Maybe For President

2007-01-20T19:50:00.000-08:00

I'm officially announcing that I'm considering forming an exploratory commission to examine the effectiveness and possibilities associated with a potential run for the presidential office in this land that I love.

Nose Hairs

2007-01-10T20:14:00.000-08:00

Sure, no one really LIKES nose hairs. I suppose some may like them, but then there's people who like Pontiac Aztec's, so there's something for everyone.

Well, I HATE nose hairs. I will put everything on hold, drop anything I'm doing, and ignore everyone I'm around just to go pluck a rogue nose hair. Now, I'm not a public plucker, but if I had to, I think I could. I have tweezers at work. I have them at home. For my next birthday, I'm hoping for a pair for my car. Maybe they'd have a little X5 symbol on them. They'd go with my car.

I encourage plucking in others. I look at it as a noble trait. I DETEST looking at someone, thinking, "oh, what a fine looking mustache you've got" and then realizing she's just got long nose hairs framing her upper lip. Not sexy. And men, you don't have any excuse. Just cause you're a guy it doesn't mean you get to neglect your nostrils.

So please, oh please, in these days of so many other horrible wars, famines, pestilences and other horrible things; don't make it worse by letting your nose hairs come out from the end of your nose! I beg of you! PLUCK!!!

Thank you for your time.

I'm BACK!

2007-01-03T20:55:00.000-08:00

I know, it's been almost as long as the break between Rocky V and the new Rocky Balboa. It's been almost as long as it takes Nancy Pelosi to do her hair. It's seemed as long as it taken (taking) Jack, Sawyer, Freckles and the crew to figure out what in the hell is going on on that island(s). It's as long as it takes to LOSE the holiday pounds. Nearly as long as Jim and Pam have been doing their little "love" dance, with hardly any progress.

Yes, it's been THAT long! I know, and I apologize to all of you (okay, who am I kidding, I'm SO sorry Kat!) for taking this long, shall we call it a hiatus... Writers block, and lack of sleep seem to go hand in hand for me. Not to mention, the holiday's leave me with only visions of sugarplums dancing in my head, and that's already been done.

So here I sit, watching MASH (Episode "Deal Me Out" from 1973), reflecting on the time it has taken me to climb back on the saddle of blogging. I'm trying to let the waxing begin. I'm trying to let the license start. I'm even opting for the road less traveled.

And I got nothing.

Oops I'm Crying Again...

2006-11-15T07:22:00.000-08:00

I have finally crawled out of bed... The black I've been wearing may start coming off. Life may, and stress MAY, go on after all.

But, I'm still trying to understand how a couple so made for each other like Kevin and Britney could get divorced...

Okay, I've stopped crying, so I can continue.

Upon hearing the tragic news, I immediately picked up divorce paperwork to end my own marriage. If Britney and K-Fed can't make it, how can I ever expect to make my marriage work? I mean those two were made for each other, they were soul-mates destined for eternity to look wistfully and longingly in each others eyes as they talked about deep topics like Starbucks coffee.

Much like everyone can remember where they were when Kennedy was assasinated, or the space shuttle blew up; I will always remember sitting at my desk, thinking how life could scarcely get any better than my 17" MacBook Pro, and the bombshell broke over the wires.

I doubt I will ever recover, but I'm taking it one day at a time. It's all I can do. Well, that and drink Diet Coke.

SO FUNNY I CRIED!!!

2006-10-31T13:01:00.000-08:00

Say this tongue twister, or else...

If I Were a Rich Man...

2006-10-02T20:24:00.000-07:00

In the great tradition of Tevye, or the Barenaked Ladies, IF I were a Rich Man or Had a Million Dollars, I'd:

Fly First Class, ALL OF THE TIME!

Buy a TV for my bathroom.

Get a bigger hard drive on my TIVO, cause 60 hours isn't enough...

I'd hire a yard guy.

I would get a heated floor in my shower, and a fresh towel every day.

I'd buy Legacy seats at BYU football games.

I'd fly out to a Pittsburgh Steelers Monday Night Football game!

Buy me one of those hats with the can holders on the sides and straws to wear during the MNF game.

Watch QVC and at least once a month buy something that I REALLY don't need.

Last, but certainly not least...

Get a new 30" Apple Cinema Display!

CRIKEY!!!

2006-09-15T14:06:00.000-07:00

Almost 2 weeks ago to this moment, I was silently, sleekly, deftly, and casually crusing along, RIGHT ABOVE MANY STINGRAYS!!! To make matters even more exciting, I was reaching out and touching them, grabbing them, and generally enjoying my harrassment of them. In my mind, I was thinking, (with and Australian accent) "Oh Crikey, look at this little beauty! She's just swimming along, probably looking for food or a mate. She's got this little barb right here that would cause quite a lot of pain if stung by it. Gotta stay away from that end!"

Then, I find out, only a couple of short days later, my idol in many ways, my mentor in the handling of many animals, and my Australian accent teacher dies from a barb to the heart from a stingray.

So it begs the question, did I defy death? I'm pretty sure I did. In fact, I think I'm quite a wildlife icon of our time. I'm waiting for calls from the major networks in Australia to fill the void left by the untimely death of our croc-hunting friend.

I'll miss you Steve Irwin. We all will.

Caribbean

2006-09-06T09:19:00.000-07:00

Last week I soaked up the sun, on the glorious Caribbean island of Grand Cayman. It was wonderful. For those of you wondering where Grand Cayman is, it's just south of the Western part of Cuba. It's a small island, shaped a little like this:

If you look up near the top middle of the map, there's a number 48, next to a place called "Rum Point." Near this little number, which by the way, I never actually saw that number anywhere, is a home, on a beach, with a pool, and a Slushie machine. Yes, you read correctly, a SLUSHIE MACHINE!!! Not a "Pay a fortune for 12 oz." Slushie Machine, but a FREE ONE!!! It's there, at the house, on the beach, in the Caribbean, for all those inhabiting that home to enjoy.

Also, next to the home on the beach, with the pool and the slushie machine, there's a dock, with a boat, with dive equipment on it, ready to go. Again, this is not one of those, "Pay a FORTUNE for one, MAYBE two dives, with 20 other people and a dive master that's grumpy but hoping to still get a tip" type boat. It's a private boat, where everything is ready to go. You motor out, find a great dive spot, and SPLASH, you're diving, seeing turtles, lobsters, sharks, tarpon, crabs, LOTS OF FISH, stingrays (yes, another blog to address this one shortly), spotted eagle rays, and MUCH MUCH MORE!!!

Also, next to the home on the beach with a pool and slushie machine, and the boat dock with a boat and dive gear, was little motor scooters! HOW FUN IS THAT?!?! So you can motor around, act like you're a Hell's Angel, and just feel really cool.

Can you tell I had a great time? Can you tell I'm trying, ever so subtley to rub it in? Can you tell I am WISHING I wasn't back at work? Can you tell I want to go back right now and maybe never leave? Can you tell that even as I write, there are tears welling up at the very thought of this wonderful vacation?

Oh Cayman, I love you so... And Slushie machine, I love you so too...

Grumpy...

2006-08-22T11:51:00.000-07:00

I'm grumpy today. Not exactly sure why. Nothing I can point to and say, "Ah, there you have it."

I'm just grumpy.

Going The Extra Mile...

2006-08-19T14:35:00.000-07:00

Yes, it was 105 miles, not 104...

I hated that extra mile.

104 Miles

2006-08-17T11:28:00.000-07:00

Orem, UT to Evanston, WY

Orem, UT to Fillmore, UT

Orem, UT to Castle Dale, UT

Orem, UT to Centerville, UT and Back

Orem to South Jordan to Orem to South Jordan and Back

Me on my bike on Saturday...

My Dream Job...

2006-08-10T20:25:00.000-07:00

I'm "Pretty Sure" this is going to happen...

"Most Likely" you'll see this in the next couple of days, or "maybe" not...

"If" several things "Maybe" happen, then there's a "Decent Chance" we'll see something develop... Over here...

"45% Chance" I'll be right on this "Guess"...

Do you know what job I'm talking about?

Yep, a network Weather Man! What other job do you get to say, "It MIGHT rain on us, or it might not, depending on where you're at."

I mean, imagine if a candy manufacturer said, "There's a 50% chance this is chocolate."

Or your phone company said, "If this area of low pressure pushes in, then you might have phone service. Probably a 35% chance."

And even better, if your urologist said, "The 7 day forecast is that your vasectomy should work in most areas, especially in the mountain areas."

Willard Scott, I'm coming for you!

Four Eyes...

2006-08-08T19:43:00.000-07:00

Start digging the hole, packing the RV for the winter move to St. George, Early-bird specials at the local Chuck-a-Rama, AARP cards for discounts at my favorite adult diaper outlet, starting sentences with "Back in My Day" (okay, I already sorta do that one), staying up late (8:00) to watch my "program" and driving with reckless unbeknownst abandon my Oldsmobuick 4-door sedan...

I just got my first pair of glasses...

I Hate Spiders, Not So Much Snakes

2006-08-04T11:00:00.000-07:00

Gotta say, I was pretty excited about this one!

What Classic Movie Are You?
personality tests by similarminds.com

Not sure about this one, but I guess it could be worse, I could be Clinton...

What Famous Leader Are You?
personality tests by similarminds.com

My life is now defined.

WEBL

2006-07-25T17:08:00.000-07:00

For some unknown, but understandable (if your brain functions, or should I say, doesn't function the way mine does) reason, I was wondering today where the term "BLOG" came from, since now anyone who's anyone "BLOGS."

I mean, I know WHERE it came from, but WHY did it end up being a "BLOG"? Was "WEBL" considered? Was "EBLO" tossed around by the "Powers that Be?" (little shout out to Kat) What about "WEBLO"? I'm guessing the ACLU or some other constantly offended party thought that sounded a little too close to the Webelos group, which is affiliated with the Boy Scouts of America, which of course, doesn't allow gays in their midst. So I'm guessing that one was just eliminated be based on the rough affiliation with a private group that dictates who can and who can't be a member of their association... Or, it was just eliminated for the obvious "WE BLOW" connotation...

I am a fan of the WEBL. Anyone who's anyone recognizes the "Weebles Wobble But They Won't Fall Down," toys and jingle from the 80's/90's. I would like to think my thoughts, commonly referred to as a BLOG, can wobble, but they won't fall down.

Thanks for reading my WEBL!

At the Cliff's Edge

2006-07-22T14:57:00.000-07:00

How often do you find yourself standing on the edge of a cliff, ready to jump, wondering, what are the consequences of this jump? It's not like you're necessarily jumping onto a brick walkway, it might be jello, or water, or marshmallows. But either way, it's still a jump. It's still a leap of faith. What if you land wrong? What if you hit a bird or a branch or another opportunity on the way down? What if when you get down there, it's nothing what you expected? What you thought were going to be marshmallow's, actually turn out to be terribly uncomfortable pillows? What if the water's too cold, or too hot? What if the jello has little carrot pieces in it?

And what if the marshmallow's or water or jello really turns out to be a brick walkway painted to look like those soft landings?

Once you step out, feel your body start to drop, it's too late to know. Just brace for the landing and hope for the best.

Lance "One-Ball" Armstrong

2006-07-18T18:18:00.000-07:00

From birth until death, every boy/man is very proud of his MANHOOD.

An integral part of that manhood is something/s often referred to as: Berries, The Twins, The Boys, Mankins, Manlings, Knick-Knacks, Cookies, Nuts, Balls, Yin and Yang, and my personal favorite, Sonny and Cher.

So how is it, that the MAN of all MEN right now, Mr. Lance Armstrong (notice the "Mister" part, it seems only appropriate as a sign of respect) is a: Uni, The Strong One, Lonely Nut, One Left Standing, The Village Nut, Room Available, I Have Ball, Single and Loving It, The One, The Only Nut Around, and again my favorite, Singular Sensation?

It just seems unfair to those of us who've worked our whole childhood/puberty/manhood defending our right and possession of TWO, to be undermined by a ONE!

Complete Utter Blockage...

2006-07-13T22:09:00.000-07:00

Things are seriously blocked up. Can't pass anything and everything seems to just be held in there without any release. It's such an uncomfortable, awkward, painful, and depressing feeling.

I wish there was something like Ex-Lax for brains, cause anything creative/fun/interesting/funny/etc is WAY BLOCKED UP!!!

HELP!!!

My "COOL"

2006-05-12T13:51:00.000-07:00

Throughout our high school careers, there is cool, and then there is WAY COOL!

Here's my brief list of my COOLNESS items from high school:

Tevo's that saw me through everything
Every color (multiple in white) Gap pocket T-shirts
Shorts in plaid, stripes, plain and just about every other cool configuration
EMF "Unbelievable" single tape that I borrowed indefinitely from Adrienne Duschman
A full assortment of bandanas, used to hold in my long hair
Ninja outfit used during the infamous Valley High School Homecoming float raids

but the BEST thing I had, my most defining possession, the thing that made me GREAT, was my beloved, two-tone mustard and brown colored 1981 Chevy shortbed pickup truck. It's looked similar to this:

I really did look SO good rolling on this set of wheels!

7 Days and 7 Nights

2006-05-09T15:23:00.000-07:00

You spend a full week, basking in the joy, the sun, the sheer warmth and peacefulness of the georgeous tropical island destination of Maui, and then the world seems so much more dismal...

All motivation is gone...

I find myself looking at other islands. Fantasizing about them. Looking over my shoulder while surfing the internet making sure no one sees the island pictures I'm looking at. I lie awake at night, imagining myself lying on some beach someplace. Sipping Diet Coke. Taking full advantage of "Vacation Rules" and eating out on Sundays. Consuming foods (ie. Haagen Daas, various chips and dips, etc...) that normally would make you fat, but on vacation only make you more sublimely happy.

Mahalo Maui.

Damn you Maui.

Keeping Up With the Peterson

2006-04-18T20:21:00.000-07:00

My little way of keeping up with the COOLEST person on the planet!

Ode to Fondue

2006-04-11T21:34:00.000-07:00

I love you little pot of cheese,
Dipping bread and crackers with ease.

A salad to help prevent carpal tunnel,
And save my strength for the next heavenly bowl.

Lobster, beef, pork and chicken,
At the end of my skewer, cooked to my like'n.

Finally bliss comes in a bowl of chocolate,
The grin on my face yet to dissipate.

Fondue I love you so.

I wanna talk about "ME ME ME!"

2006-03-28T18:34:00.000-08:00

Five Movies You Can Watch Over and Over:
1. "Top Gun"
2. "Fletch"
3. "The Matrix"
4. "Batman Begins"
5. "Spaceballs"

Five embarrassing Songs that You Know All the Words To:
1. "Ice Ice Baby" Vanilla Ice
2. "Bust-a-Move" Young MC
3. ANY song from Phantom of the Opera
4. "Oklahoma" from Rogers & Hammerstein's Oklahoma
5. "Wanna Talk About Me" Toby Keith

Five Memorable Halloween Costumes:
1. Bikini Wearing Weight Challenged Girl (Age 29)
2. Lion (Age 6)
3. Bum (Ages 9, 13, 15 & 18)
4. Country Guy (Age 27)
5. Missionary Wearing a Peanuts Halloween Tie (ages 19 & 20)

Five Celebrities You Believe May Secretly be Alien:
1. Mick Jagger
2. Tom Cruise
3. Prince (or is he still calling himself "Symbol?")
4. Paula Abdul
5. Clint Howard

Five Occupations that You Know You Could Never Do:
1. Gynecologist
2. Podiatrist
3. Entomologist (I'm with you there Kat!)
4. Truck Driver
5. Pope

Five Books You've Recently Read Outside of Schoolwork:
1. Cry of the Kalahari, Mark & Delia Owens
2. Angels & Demons and DaVinci Code (Second Time Each), Dan Brown
3. The Lincoln Lawyer, The Closers, Trunk Music, Blood Work, The Last Coyote, The Concrete Blonde, The Black Ice and The Black Echo, all by Michael Connelly
4. No Second Chance, Harlan Coben
5. Demolition Angel, Robert Crais

Five Ways to Perfectly Spend an Afternoon:
1. Golfing
2. At Lake Powell water-skiing
3. Sitting on the Beach in Maui (oh wait, that's me in 4 weeks!)
4. In a "Code Red"
5. Napping

Five Lines You Blatantly Stole From a Movie, TV, a Commercial, or Song:
1. "Where's the Beef?!" Old lady from old Wendy's commercials
2. "I love it when a plan comes together!" Hannibal from The A-Team
3. "It's all ball-bearings these days!" Fletch from Fletch
4. "Whop-bobaloobop a-whop-bam-boo!" Entire ensemble of "Grease"
5. "The world is waiting, good luck, travel safe" Phil Keoghan from Amazing Race

Not Your 5 Favorite Foods, But the 5 You're Most Likely Eating:
1. Water
2. Protein Shakes
3. Chef salad from Apollo burger
4. Any hot cereal
5. Stale Tostito chips

Karl Malone and Me

2006-03-25T22:18:00.000-08:00

So Karl Malone just had his jersey and number retired by the Utah Jazz. Sure he was a good basketball player, but I'll always remember him for the time he made me breakfast.

What? You haven't heard this story? Well, sit down, pull up a Diet Coke, and let me tell you how cool I am...

I was staying at his wife's bed & breakfast one weekend, and after I'd enjoyed the "bed" part of the deal, I went downstairs for the other half. As I'm going down the stairs, I hear a familiar voice. It's a melodic, Louisiana drawlesque voice. Descending the last flight of stairs I first see the shoes. Ski's might be a more accurate description, but whatever-size-shoe it was, it was BIG! Then came the calves. Sure, most of us would call them thighs, but I assure you, my eyes had not reached the knee level yet. Then the Clydesdale thighs came into view, and I think I actually considered going back upstairs, afraid maybe my AMEX didn't clear and he was waiting to kick the living money out of me.

I pressed forward. Only 4 steps to go. Down I went, to be met, face to sternum with Karl Malone, smiling broadly down at me, telling me "good morning!" He then proceeded to ask me what I wanted for breakfast. I chuckled stupidly. He asked me again, and again I chuckled, thinking surely he had to be joking. Finally, slowing his voice down, obviously believing I was in some way retarded or unable to communicate in English, he told me that his wife had called in a panic that morning saying her cook had called in sick, and Karl had volunteered to come and cook breakfast.

So finally convinced an NBA All-Star Power Forward was about to make me breakfast, I still stuttered. He asked me what I'd like, and I smoothly said something, rather retardedly like, "I don't know, what are you good at?"

He went into the kitchen, proceeded to make eggs, bacon and toast, serve it, and then sit down with his wife and chat with about the events of the day and week while I ate and acted like I was served breakfast every day of the week by an NBA All-Star and probably make sufficient comments to completely assure him I was, in fact, retarded.

So to Karl Malone, I say well done! Well done cooking those eggs, bacon and toast. Oh, and good job on that basketball thing you did.

Maybe I Can't Give Up...

2006-03-17T14:34:00.000-08:00

In life, we give up our youth, we give up our parents home, we give up on calculus, we give up our big wheel, we give up our elementary, junior high and high school friends, we give up our first kiss, first love and first "time", we give up information leading to the suspension/interrogation/firing/arrest of a friend/co-worker/suspect, we give up trying to make that hot guy/girl want you, we give up summer vacation, we give up parent-paid-perks, we give up trying to write the Great American Novel, we give up thinking if you take three steps and then jump you can fly, we give up expecting a problem to occur and be solved in a 30 minute sitcom fashion, we give up playing sports that we suck at, we give up playing sports that kill our knees, we give up sports we don't enjoy, we give up bologna, we give up beloved pets, we give up old t-shirts we were planning for 20 years to make some sort of mural out of, we give up party plans when we're grounded, we give up the idea of becoming a Doctor when you find out medical school is only slightly less time-consuming than building a four-lane freeway from NY to LA, we give up so many things.... And yet... I can't give up Diet Coke...

One! Two! Three!

"Believe it or not, I'm walking on air, I never thought I could feel so FREEEEEE..."

A Little Color Here, None There...

2006-03-07T18:19:00.000-08:00

It seems crazy I lie in a bed for 9-12 minutes to get color in my cheeks (top and bottom) and then leave plastic trays with bleaching gel in them in my mouth for 2 hours to get them whiter than white.

I guess the metro is back on the rail...

Derailing of the Metro

2006-02-11T17:09:00.000-08:00

Being a card-carrying metrosexual isn't always designer jeans and argyle v-necks fun.

Sometimes, in the attempt to step out onto that ledge of fashion, one steps just a half a square-toed Sketcher too far and falls. Falls hard and fast. What do you think could cause such a fall from department store grace? Black jeans...

Yes, I dared to go where few fashionistas have gone before, (unless of course you count yourself an 80's rocker or groupie) and slid on my form-fitting, slightly flared bottomed, Banana Republic, purchased on a crazy sale (imagine that) black jeans.

So do you think I just settled for a quick sashay around the block or a visit to a the lightly populated or visited local Quickie-Mart? Oh no! I go straight to the mall. And if visiting the mecca of fashion for Utah County wasn't enough, I visit the can't-leave-without-spending-$100-or-seeing-everyone-you-know hotspot of the state. Yes, you guessed right, Costco.

So now the jeans will go back to their resting spot, high on the shelf below the checkered-wide-leg-bought-on-a-crazy-sale-at-the-Gap pants and the boot-cut-feeling-skinny-when-I-bought-them-on-the-super-markdown-sale white jeans until I forget again everything Stacey and Clinton have spent their Friday nights teaching me and pull them out thinking the Metro has made it back on the track and I'm ready to Rock-n-Roll again!

Bored with a TON to Do

2006-02-07T14:45:00.000-08:00

So here I sit, with a TON to get done, but not wanting to do any of it.

So I...
... start a really boring blog.
... check out the two peoples blog's that I know.
... click on some of the people from those two people's blogs.
... open up my "Drafts" folder in my e-mail and act like I'm going to finish up a couple important e-mails, only to save them again in "Drafts" and move on.
... stand up and walk around the hallway thinking maybe something amusing will present itself.
... pat myself on the back for taking one of the million pieces of junk off my desk and throwing it away and thinking I've just "cleaned up my office."
... think of more dumb things I've done and keep writing this blog.
... look at the one stock I own that's actually gone up and read the message board for it and get depressed because everyone is pretty gloomy on the stock.
... look on e-bay at stuff so dumb, or useless I can barely control myself from buying it.
... go to astrology.com and read my horoscope cause I don't have any fortune cookies to tell me what to do today. Here's my horoscope for anyone interested... (Unpredictability is the name of the game now. Fortunately, that's a condition you adore. Does this mean you'll be inspired to be even more impulsive, eager and enthusiastic than usual? It certainly does -- and that could make it tough for you to concentrate, and even tougher for you to sit still long enough to finish up any of the projects you've got going. Give it a shot, though. You never know who might be watching. Your higher-ups, for example?)
... read that Wayne Gretzky's was wife cited in a gambling ring.
... write some more of this blog.
... see how much space I have on my tiny laptop hard drive. Why I do this I don't know, it's not like I'm going to do anything about it.
... look at e-mails again, just to see if something there might motivate me.
... go to the bathroom. Not because I have to, but because I might see something amusing on the way.
... finish this blog.

PITTSBURGH WON!!!

2006-02-05T21:38:00.000-08:00

YAY!!!

Now if I could just meet Elle or Heidi my life would be complete!

The Ocean

2006-01-21T22:43:00.000-08:00

I walked down Huntington Pier tonight. No, it wasn't some romantic experience since the company present wasn't condusive to that mood, however I am constantly amazed at how immense and amazing the ocean is. It's HUGE! Like Greg Armstrong's head on his body huge. It's incredible to look out and see only the ocean. It's also a little freaky.

I've had dreams where I've fallen (or usually pushed by someone who looks a lot like Gene Simmons) from a boat in the middle of the ocean and I'm left to try and swim to shore or just swim. Both are equally as daunting and frustrating with those "can't move quick enough" arms and legs that often accompany dreams. I'm sure someone would probably psychotherapize those dreams and tell me it has something to do with my fear of running out of Diet Coke while watching Monday Night Football, but I think it just has something to do with how huge I think the ocean is.

And waves are cool too. They just keep coming. And coming. And coming. And I'm trying to catch one of them on my boogie board I rented for $25.00 and my ID at the local Pic-N-Swim. But I always seem to just start kicking too late and loll over the top of the wave and watch that annoying kid with his customized boogie board who's caught the last 15 waves with perfection. He's probably got some little boogie-chick watching him on the beach and saying comments like, "Oooohhhh, good one Brandon," or "You're the man Dillon!" I hate that kid.

So instead of any romantic moment, or wave-catching, or even going overboard, I walked and told stories about Simkins.

Now that's a huge nightmare.

Nintendo

2006-01-03T17:51:00.000-08:00

When I was 14 I had a Nintendo machine, and I played two games (that's all I had actually, and all I could afford), Super Mario Bro's and Legend of Zelda.

I was good. Real good.

I could actually get several levels on Super Mario Bro's with my eyes closed. I'm not kidding. I would also see how fast I could win the whole game. I'd time myself from beginning to end. I could bang my head against those magic-coin-producing blocks faster than anyone.

I was good. Real good.

Then there was Legend of Zelda. I played that game so long and so hard that I knew every nook and cranny of that board. The night I won the whole thing, it was about 4:30 in the morning, and I finally beat the game. I won. I was the Legend, not Zelda.

I was good. REAL good!

Then, I stopped. I haven't played Nintendo, or any video game really, since then.

I guess you could say I went out on top.

And now, for Christmas, I bought Jacob a little Nintendo Game Boy Advanced. Sure, it was FOR him, but guess who's back? Mario and Luigi. Yep, the Bro's. And in just a short period of time, I've already accomplished much.

I'm good. REAL GOOD!

Merry Christmas!

2005-12-24T14:07:00.000-08:00

Merry Christmas to everyone!

It's Christmas Eve and I had the "opportunity" to go to Costco and the mall and BOTH were busy busy busy! But everyone seems to be a little nicer today than any other day. It's a great day!

Hope everyone has their shopping done, their treats all lined up for MASS consumption, and the visions of iPods dancing in their heads!

Have a great night, don't drink egg-nog (it'll make you have blind babies) and leave some cookies out for Santa, he'll appreciate it!

Stupidist

2005-12-10T21:38:00.000-08:00

I've given it a lot of thought, and I've decided that I am DEFINITELY a Stupidist.

I know that there are some people, and probably some organizations funded by celebrities like Britney Spears or Tom Cruise that are at this moment planning a protest at my home or place of business, maybe even a lawsuit against me. But I don't care. I'm a stupidist, hear me roar!

If I was ever to run for office, I would make this one of my main platforms. I would tell people that if they didn't vote for me, they obviously were Pro-Stupid, and honestly, who would want to admit that?

I'm not sure if I'll go as far as to organize a group called the "Smart Supremacists", but when I'm driving behind someone and they STOP at a round-a-bout, I will certainly give them a look that says, "Hey, You Are Stupid!"

Plagiarism

2005-12-07T19:04:00.000-08:00

yes. the rumors are true. i forgot my mother's birthday yesterday.
i'm pretty sure you can go to hell for something like that.
my karma's completely messed up now. on my way to work this morning i HIT A GARBAGE CAN and shattered my side view mirror.

something must be done. something drastic. something to reallign the beautiful cosmos of my life. so i've been going through the list of presents i've bought recently but haven't ended up giving people to see what i can give my mother to appease her.
trendy bright green necklace? no.
wallet with bunny that says "buy me stuff and i'll be nicer"? probably not.
darth vader mask? hmm... not bad.
a can of chicken and stars soup? perhaps.
gift certificate to book store? that actually might work.
chocolate, lot's and lot's of chocolate? duh.
a kite with a dragon on it? hot chocolate mix? a pair of earrings that broke? my first born??

i'm in so much trouble.

Let the music RAIN down!!!

2005-11-15T05:37:00.000-08:00

YAY!!! Finally announcing the release of musicRAIN version 2.0!!! YAY! YAY! YAY!

This is just the coolest interactive digital sheet music player on the planet! Better than Sibelius or MakeMusic or anyone else who thinks they're cool.

Check it out at http://www.mediarain.com and click on the press release, or go directly there at http://www.mediarain.com/musicrain.

Seriously cool!

Old School

2005-11-12T20:18:00.000-08:00

When Will Ferrell says, "We're going streaking" and then drops the microphone and the crowd all gasps as he bends over to pick it up, I DIED LAUGHING!!!

Profiles in Time

2005-10-27T19:25:00.000-07:00

Andrew Time - Done yesterday or else I'm bugged.

Jenny Time - Sometime in the next little bit, after she finishes fixing the leg of Bullseye for Jacob's Halloween costume, puts something away, checks on something from yesterday that's not that important, calls someone, etc...

Jacob Time - No concept.

Kat Time - Right now if it involves chocolate, diet coke, or boys named Jacob.

Shirley time - Fifteen minutes before my alarm goes off.

Gary time - 5 minutes later than Shirley, but still 10 minutes before my alarm goes off.

Marianne & Rosie time = Jacob time.

Dave time - 3 seconds before the project is due or the presentation starts.

End of this LONG day - Miller Time.

Bad Hair Day

2005-10-11T20:50:00.000-07:00

Yes, I'm having a BAD HAIR DAY!!!

I've had the same short spiky hair for about... well, since puberty. I'm sick of it. About once a year... since puberty, I've thought about growing it out. I successfully grew it out once before. This led to me being cast as John Proctor in "The Crucible" and having girls tell me how hot I was with long hair. Then I chopped it back to the short spiky.

Now I'm trying to grow it out again and do something different. I need encouragement. I need compliments. Lie to me if you have to. PLEASE!!!

And who knows, maybe this new hairdo will lead to me being cast as Shaggy in the next Scooby-Doo movie.

"Scooby-Doo, Where Are You?!?"

Me and My Good Friend Phil

2005-10-08T17:59:00.000-07:00

Me and My Good Friend Phil Keoghan From The Amazing Race!

If I were a Hobbit

2005-10-03T18:18:00.000-07:00

If I lived in the Shire (or ever visit Em), I would be known as Mungo Bolger of Newbury!

Check out Hobbit Name Creator and get your own Hobbit name. But only if you will share it with me after you do it!

Happy Hobbiting!

When You Know...

2005-10-02T19:59:00.000-07:00

Someone considers you a good friend: You're the first person your friend calls to bail him out when he's arrested and booked into jail last Saturday.

You're getting old: A glass of milk must accompany a Mexican food meal.

You're dumb: You write a whole document never saving it and then let your battery die on your computer and lose the work.

You're funny: When you make jokes about hobbits and shires and laugh at your joke time and time again.

You're funny again (and again x 100): You take someone you knows name and find EVERY possible way to put their name into every possible word or sentence. Each time laughing whole-heartedly.

It's time to stop writing: You write the stuff above.

Who Knew?

2005-10-01T08:53:00.000-07:00

Who knew that Windsor Sensor Vacuum Bags would be such a hot thing on the web!?!

Gotta love them Windsor Vacuum Cleaners!

Windsor Vacuum Cleaners

2005-09-24T14:02:00.000-07:00

Windsor Sensor Vacuum Cleaners are the BEST Vacuum Cleaners money can buy!

uClean sells a variety of Vacuum Cleaners including top quality Commercial Vacuum Cleaners and Industrial Vacuum Cleaners.

Vacuum Cleaners of Special Note Are:
Windsor Sensor XP Upright Vacuum Cleaner 12"
Windsor VacPac VP6 Backpack Vacuum Cleaner
Windsor VacPac VP10 Backpack Vacuum Cleaner
Windsor Sensor S12 Vacuum Cleaner
Windsor Sensor S15 Vacuum Cleaner
Windsor Versamatic Plus Upright 14" Vacuum Cleaner
Windsor Wave Wide Area Vacuum Cleaner

Getting Gas (Actual Event!)

2005-09-22T15:10:00.000-07:00

With the cost of gas where it is, more people have turned to getting their gas at Costco. So now, there's a LINE to get gas. Sometimes you'll wait 10-15 minutes to save the .15 cents per gallon. Which really, when you think about it, is only like $3 for a 20 gallon tank. But that's a separate topic.

What I hate, is when people are angling and honking and getting all worked up to finally get to one of the pumps, and then, they SLOWLY open their door. Then they SLOWLY walk half-way around their car, and then stop, CHUCKLE to themselves and say something like, "Oops" and then SLOWLY walk back to their car, SLOWLY open the car door, and then SLOWLY lean in and get their purse/wallet/moneyclip. Then they SLOWLY walk back around, and proceed to STARE at the gas pump like it's a geometry problem and they never took geometry. They push buttons, they chuckle again to themselves and FINALLY pull out their Costco card and insert it. Then they seem so CONFUSED by the fact that the Geometry Gas Pump now NEEDS a credit card before it will let you get some of the liquid gold into their car. They FUMBLE around in their purse/wallet/moneyclip looking for a credit card.

FINALLY they insert the credit card and are ready to get gas. Once again, the gas pump must have asked ANOTHER tough geometry question because they stare BLANKLY again not knowing what to do or how to answer. SLOWLY they turn around, unscrew their gas cap, and put the pump head in. Then they FINALLY start pumping gas.

So the gas finishes pumping. They SLOWLY pull the hose out, hoping to fit in another 6 to 8 oz. of gas, SPILLING gas down their car and onto the ground in the process. Then they return the hose to its home, SLOWLY turning to put their gas cap back on. They SLOWLY walk around to their car, SLOWLY open the door, and SLOWLY climb in. From behind, you can see them do something like another "Oops" and SLOWLY open the car door, SLOWLY get out and walk around and look at the geometry machine giving it a look like, "Oh you silly machine" and they take their receipt. PAUSING to LOOK at the receipt like something new might have popped up there or maybe a new GEOMETRY question might have appeared. They shake their head, thinking it's quite funny for them to make a point of being exasperated by the high price they just paid, and then SLOWLY walk back around their car and SLOWLY get back in.

Now, they SIT in their car, organizing their purse/wallet/moneyclip and finding their keys which have mysteriously disappeared, and then insert them, SLOWLY, and turn their key. Another "Oops" moment and they put on their seat belt. Now they pause again, for HEAVENS KNOWS WHAT, and then lean over and open up their cell phone and dial a number and start to talk. FINALLY they put the car in drive, and pull away, SLOWLY...

THEN, as they are pulling off, another driver SLOWLY leaving another pump pulls in front of them. SUDDENLY impatient, the driver HONKS and puts their hands up in the air in a gesture of disgust.

This is an ACTUAL event, and the names wouldn't have been withheld because this person was NOT innocent and SHOULD BE SHOT!

Kanye "Believe What a Moron He Is" West?

2005-09-15T21:52:00.000-07:00

http://www.ebaumsworld.com/videos/kanyewest.html

Can you seriously believe this guy? I LOVE the look on Mike Myers face the whole time.

WHAT A MORON!!!

The State Fair

2005-09-14T22:18:00.000-07:00

I visited the State Fair tonight. Had the opportunity to try and be 18 again, and go rock out at a concert. I saw Hoobastank. First off, it was a LOT of fun, and they put on a great show. Lot's of energy and really very fun.

But it's still the State Fair...

On the way in to the concert, I passed the 4H Shop. You can buy any assorted goods there that have been knitted, quilted, sewed, glued, tied, wittled, carved, painted, assembled, grown, bred, and dried. It's a ridiculous market of miscellania provided to the crowd by a lot of 8-18 year old kids, that the minds eye makes you think of Pedro and Napoleon.

Then the concert. I was sitting 2nd row center. GREAT seats. Right next to the Mosh Pit. I could have added to the previous blog about getting old that when you look with a small amount of fear at the Mosh Pit, and think, "those kids are going to hurt someone!"

So after leaving the concert I had the unusual and completely incredible opportunity to watch a pig race. Yes, a pig race. 4 pigs, each wearing a different color, cheered on by probably 500 screaming fans, race around a track covered in saw dust. The guy calling the race (is he the color commentator?) made it a point to tell the crowd that he and his pigs tour the country for 300 days a year. "Tour?" 300 days???

And then there were the Carny Folk. But after the pigs, they weren't that weird.

Spartan Chemicals at uClean

2005-09-13T20:59:00.000-07:00

Spartan Chemicals are the BEST Cleaning Chemicals on the Market! These are the chemicals used in Hospitals, Hotels, Office Buildings, Restaurants, Industrial facilities, etc...

You can find them at uClean!

Like Lance!

2005-09-07T10:31:00.000-07:00

I'm officially a spandex-wearing, cool-helmet donning, funky-shoe sporting Lance Armstrong wanna-be! And why wouldn't I want to be like Lance? He's won the Tour de France 7 times, sticks it to the French on a regular basis, kicked cancers butt, dates a hot singer, and is good friends with Robin Williams.

I got a cool new road bike! I've gone on two rides so far and my butt is killing me, my calves are sore, and my thighs feel like jelly. But do I ever look cool! I've got the cool Pearl Izumi outfit, with sweet TekSok socks, and even a cool pair of sunglasses I can swap out the lenses on.

All I need now is a "Live Strong" bracelet (and lose one of the fellas...) and the transformation will be complete!

Moments that make you Feel Old...

2005-09-01T20:06:00.000-07:00

When you make the "roll down the window" sign with your fisted hand making small circles and kids don't have a clue what you are doing.

You laugh when someone quotes Natalie, Tootie, Jo or Blair.

The mention of penny candy actually has meaning.

Remembering that you saw E.T., The Extraterrestrial when it was first released.

You still feel a sense of accomplishment having won "Region" in the church ball tournament.

Your nephew is starting school at "The" BYU.

Underwear Model, Now Actor

2005-08-29T19:08:00.000-07:00

First it was underwear model. For any that missed it, I was great. I wore that underwear unlike any you've ever seen. NEVER has long underwear been worn like this before.

Obviously others recognized how well I handled myself in underwear and the demand for my acting services began. This Thursday or Friday I will act in my first major motion picture (okay, it's a low-budget Mormon genre flick) and from there it's ON TO HOLLYWOOD!!!

So I've gone from underwear model, to actor... What's next? Governor of California?

Sweet # 50!

2005-08-23T19:50:00.000-07:00

It's taken me almost exactly 365 days to get to 50 blogs. Is that a good thing? I don't know. Let's see what the next 365 days will hold!

By the way, Friday is National Toilet Paper Day! Get your TP ready to PARTY!!!

Foaming Hand Soaps & Foaming Soap Dispensers

2005-08-21T18:03:00.000-07:00

uClean is the Source for Foaming Hand Soap Dispensers and Foaming Hand Soaps. Foaming Soap Dispensers come in a White Foaming Dispenser and a Black Foaming Dispenser. Foaming Hand Soaps come in Melon Foaming Hand Soap, Antimicrobial Foaming Hand Soap and Peach Foaming Hand Soap.

My Sexy Toe

2005-08-20T23:04:00.000-07:00

The pinky toe, on my right foot has a unique talent. It has become known as my "Sexy Toe". I can "cross" it over the toe next to it. This talent in and of itself is pretty cool, but I do it with a certain level of sex-appeal. Much like a woman, with hot legs who crosses her legs by sliding the one leg up the other, then crossing it over and sliding back down on top, that's how I cross my Sexy Toe.

I'm really quite proud of it, so please, the next time you see me, I'd be happy to show you. But single women, beware!

An Open Blog to Delta Airlines

2005-08-18T14:42:00.000-07:00

Dear Delta Airlines,

If you go into bankruptcy and in ANY way mess with your frequent flyer program, I will hunt you all down and Toilet Paper your homes. I have charged WAY too much stuff on my Delta Skymiles American Express, and accumulated WAY too many miles to have you not honor them.

Regards,

Andrew

P.S. On a recent flight, one of your TV's was broken. It was a big plane, white with blue and red lettering, about halfway back on the right. Thanks for getting on that!

Microfiber Mops

2005-08-17T21:12:00.000-07:00

uClean sells the BEST Microfiber Mops by Rubbermaid. These aren't the cheap ones you buy at Grocery Stores or Warehouse Type Stores.

These are the Superior Industrial and Commercial Quality Microfiber Mops! The head swivels for the most effective Dust Mopping and Wet Mopping you can buy!

Who Wants to Be a Millionaire?

2005-08-15T18:45:00.000-07:00

I Do!

When I was young, around 12 or 13, I decided, after a great trip to SeaWorld that I was going to be a Marine Biologist. Have you looked into the average pay of a Marine Biologist lately?

When I was a little older, say 14 or 15, I decided medicine was for me. Have you looked into how long you have to go to school to be a doctor?

Then I turned 16 and 17 and decided I was going to be rich. Have you found that job description in the "Want Ads?"

I'm older now (not THAT old Kat!) and I'm re-thinking my career decisions. Marine biology is looking MUCH better. Medicine seems to be calling me again. And yet being rich is still eluding me.

Any job suggestions would be welcome!

More Random Thoughts...

2005-08-10T20:13:00.000-07:00

I have a nail in my right rear tire. The air isn't coming out, so I've just left it in there thinking I'll get around to it sometime, knowing full well it's going to one day be flat, and I'll have to change the tire and it will be a big pain. So why not just take it in and avoid all that hassle? Cause I'm lame.

I love that "Friends" where Phoebe and Chandler are doing the competition to see who's going to flinch first, and Phoebe says, "I'm very Bendy!"

A friend of mine's Dad played golf with an Apostle the other day. That's got to be the most intimidating playing partner ever. See, I swear.

That's me, with Billy Mattison (that's right, google him, you'll be impressed) running Gore Canyon Class Five rapids. SO GREAT!

Pier 1 is just cool.

Taxes aren't.

Should I get a new Apple computer? Right now I'm a PC guy, but I'm seriously considering an Apple Powerbook. Check it out!

I can sing, I can dance, I wear Banana Republic Pants!

enMotion Paper Towel Dispenser & Paper

2005-08-07T09:33:00.000-07:00

uClean has the new Georgia Pacific Paper Towel Dispenser, enMotion and the GP enMotion High Capacity Roll Towel replacements.

DegreeMe

2005-08-04T20:42:00.000-07:00

Remember when Goose asks Maverick for that number of the truck driving school cause he thinks that his career as a pilot, no wait, Naval Aviator is over? Truckmasters I think it was?

Yeah, so I think I'm ready for a career change. I'm ready for a new degree in something. Maybe on online degree, or a degree in some sort of trade that would make me a nice income, or give me a raise of some sort. Would love to make more money or even SOME money somewhere! So I came upon a great site, www.degreeme.com that has this whole list of different schools I can choose from, with trades I could learn like carpentry, dental assistant, or even the fashion industry. I'm a great metrosexual so maybe the fashion industry is for me! But I'm thinking Massage Therapy is the one for me! I'm GOOD with my hands!

So I'm not thinking Truckmasters is for me, but I do like dogs! Veterinary Assistant it is! Here boy!

Vacuum Cleaner Heaven!

2005-08-02T22:06:00.000-07:00

Okay, so I have to boast a little about the vacuum cleaners that uClean sells.

We sell the Windsor Sensor line of vacuums & MANY OTHERS. All of them are AWESOME!

I know what you are thinking, how sexy can vacuums be? OH SO SEXY!! Just take my word for it! These babies have more sucking power than almost any other industrial vacuum cleaner or commercial vacuum cleaner and are just AMAZING!!!

So I highly recommend them. Can't go wrong with a Commercial, Industrial or Residential Vacuum Cleaners from http://www.uclean.com!

(Once again, shameless... I promise it will end soon...)

http://www.uclean.com for Janitorial Supplies

2005-07-27T19:20:00.000-07:00

You've GOT to visit the NEW and IMPROVED standard for janitorial equipment and supply, www.uclean.com! It looks good, it runs better, and still has the thousands of great cleaning products and equipment from industry standards Spartan, 3M, Windsor, SC Johnson, Kimberly-Clark, Georgia Pacific, Rubbermaid, Hoover, Unger, Brady and many others!

Now just as a reminder, that's http://www.uclean.com!

(I hate to beg, and I know it's a shameless plug, but COME ON!!)

Too Much

2005-07-26T19:19:00.000-07:00

I think I've finally reached that point where enough is enough. Changes have to be made or else it's just time to move on...

Big Toe Injury Update

2005-07-19T15:32:00.000-07:00

Healing nicely! Should be good as new within a weeks time.

Thanks for the flowers, chocolates, and other assorted gifts.

Randomness

2005-07-12T20:37:00.000-07:00

I was playing "Chase & Tickle" with my boy tonight. After lap number 25 throughout the house, I was running and hit the corner of a rug. The rug that's on the wood floor. The rug that's on the wood floor that slides around pretty easily. I bit it BAD! Hip, then Elbow, then Wrist, and then big toe. I'm not totally sure how the big toe got thrown in there, but it's feeling the pain maybe more than all the others.

I love the Matrix trilogy. The "Twins" from Matrix Reloaded have GOT to be about the coolest bad guys EVER!!!

It would be fun sometime to try and rob a bank. Wouldn't it? As long as people wouldn't shoot at you, and when it was all done, I wouldn't get in trouble.

Linen shirts are SUCH a pain. You look at them and they wrinkle. I think the only time I'll ever wear a linen shirt again is when I'm on a cliff, in Hawaii, wearing a Long Sleeve White Linen shirt, doing something special.

"The Ring" is the scariest show I've ever seen.

"Skeet Skeet" is a pretty funny phrase!

O! that a man might know
The end of this day's business, ere it come;
But suffice it that the day will end,
And then the end is known.
-William Shakespeare's "Julius Caesar"

Portland Here I Come!

2005-07-11T17:03:00.000-07:00

I'm going to Portland for the first time this week. And then I get to follow-up my first visit with another visit next week.

It's business, not pleasure, but I am going to play golf, which depending on my swing might be pure agony!

I don't know anything about Portland other than the Trailblazers are there. And if you're a Utah Jazz fan, you don't like the Trailblazers very much. And I'm thinking they probably don't like the Jazz much at all either. Sort of a mutual disdain. But I feel okay with that. It shouldn't hamper my business relationships. At least hopefully it doesn't.

Go Jazz!

Pumie Pumice Sticks

2005-07-10T22:28:00.000-07:00

uClean offers Pumie Pumice Scouring Sticks!

Liberation from Showering

2005-07-09T21:33:00.000-07:00

I haven't showered ALL DAY!!! And I feel liberated! I'm sure I smell like roses or maybe peaches.

I don't know why, but I feel like SUCH a rebel. And if I go another day without showering I'll be a stinky rebel.

Block...

2005-07-08T09:24:00.000-07:00

You've heard of writer's block, and probably even experienced it at different times in your life. Most likely it coincided with a huge paper that was due the next morning by 8:00 am in the professor's office. And it needed to be bound with a beautiful cover and full bibliography.

I'm in the middle of a serious life block. I feel like I've got so much to accomplish, so much that needs to be done, and yet I just can't seem to get it done, or even start it all. And the more time that goes by the more discouraged I get and the bigger the life paper is that I have to write.

I wish I could just buy a life paper on ebay and pass it off as my own. Just to feel like I'd accomplished something. And if it had a beautiful cover and was bound all wonderfully all the better.

Pleated Pants

2005-06-12T09:37:00.000-07:00

Starting sometime in the Dark Ages, a guy with a pear-shaped body named King Arthur dictated that pants could only be made with pleats on the front. Since he'd behead anyone that didn't do what he said, everyone wore pants with pleats and officially started one of the WORST fashion trends of the last millenia. Finally in the 1900's, an underground movement began to believe that King Arthur and his followers were finally losing their grip on the world and started eliminating pleats. It was a bold move, that many didn't accept, and many still don't accept. Obviously they are still terrified of losing their heads.

As for me, it took me until about the turn of the millenium to become aware of the horrible look on my body, making me appear pear-shaped, as was the plan of the original King. So a good friend of mine decided to take me under her wing, and help me to recognize that pleats were UGLY! Seeing as how ALL of my pants and suits consisted of pleated fronts, it was a bit of shock to my closet and wallet.

So now I have three pairs of pants left, all that go with suits, so they're covered by a suit coat and you can't really see the pleats. But now I look in the mirror and see a pear and need to get rid of them and complete my transformation. It's a big moment for me. It's a big realization for me that I'm excited about but also nervous about. Because with my luck, as soon as I get rid of the last pair I'll find out King Arthur's not dead, and I'll get my head chopped off! I just can't win!

uClean Vacuum Cleaners

2005-06-10T22:27:00.000-07:00

uClean is the source for Vacuum Cleaners, Commercial Vacuum Cleaners, Industrial Vacuums, and other Cleaning Equipment.

Here's some examples of Vacuums uClean offers:

Eureka Sanitaire 684 Vacuum Cleaner

Windsor VP10 Backpack Vacuum Cleaner

Windsor Sensor S12

Windsor Sensor XP12 Vacuum Cleaner

Windsor Wave Wide Area Vacuum Cleaner

Underwear Model

2005-06-06T09:24:00.000-07:00

I never thought that I would be able to add the title of "Underwear Model" to my resume. But as of about 4:30 today, I will be officially a model of Underwear!!! Not too sure how I feel about this, but it's certainly exciting, and nerve-wracking!

Now, just so everyone knows, it's LONG underwear. I kind of feel like one of those Cabella's models standing in the hunting lodge around a fire, holding a cup of hot chocolate after a long day chasing Buck Deer all over the mountain and now apparently my jeans are dirty and my long johns are clean so I stand there with only them on, and my hair perfectly combed.

As a side note here, anyone that has EVER been hunting knows that there is NO REALITY to these pictures. First of all, the long johns anyone is wearing are so old and so ugly you'd never wear JUST THEM, in front of ANYONE!!! Let alone wearing them in front of a bunch of other gun-toting men. I mean, come on, men, and I mean REAL MEN, hunting type MEN, don't hang out in their long johns, or any other type of underwear for that matter!

So yes, I will be wearing underwear for a camera today! I think this is the start of my modeling career! Underwear, hand model, shoe model, etc...

New York here I come!

Clever and Witty

2005-06-01T18:53:00.000-07:00

I wish upon wish that I was really clever and witty all the time, or even some of the time would be nice...

I often times THINK I'm clever and witty, but usually someone reminds me that I'm not. I'm never more reminded of that fact than when I sit down, want to write a clever or witty blog, and NOTHING comes to mind.

If someone would write and then SELL witty and clever blogs to people like me, I think they could make a fortune!

Miss Universe Big Mac

2005-05-30T20:49:00.000-07:00

I think that all the contestants of Miss Universe must go straight to McDonald's when the competition is over and order a Big Mac with Fries and a Coke. They have to be STARVING themselves they are so skinny! It's ridiculous!

I bet they might even get the 2 Apple Pies for a Dollar!

Mmmmm... That sounds good!

T.P.

2005-05-29T20:58:00.000-07:00

So I sell uClean Toilet Tissue, aka Toilet Paper, aka Bathroom tissue, aka T.P., aka bum wiping paper.

I sell Kleenex Cottonelle Toilet Tissue and SCA Savoy Toilet Tissue. Both are premium quality toilet tissue! Both have lots sheets per roll so you don't have to change them out very often.

Besides TP, I sell Vacuum Cleaners, janitorial equipment and supply, and LOTS of other cleaning products!

I Can't Drive... 75!

2005-05-22T10:21:00.000-07:00

I just don't think I can do it! It's just SOOO SLOW... My car feels like it's just itching to get warmed up about the time I get going 75. At 85, it sort lets out a grin, at 95, it actually smiles, and at 105 it lets out a little giggle. Now at 115 it gets serious again and starts to look intent. And finally at 125 there's a look of satisfaction at a job well done.

I've only ever gone 125, so I don't know what the car would look like at 130, or even 140, but someday I'll know. Maybe on the way home!

Check that...

2005-05-20T16:59:00.000-07:00

Real pain isn't the first two... Those two heal...