Hypochondriac-itis

I think I'm having a stroke, or a heart attack. But probably both. I've got a weird headache and I had a little chest pain earlier for a good two to three seconds. I think my body has started complete cardiac/pulmonary shut-down. Whether it's the five gallons of Diet Coke I drink a day or the apple tart I bought from Maverick (SOO good by the way!) earlier that's done me in, I don't know, but I'm very positive I won't be around tomorrow. If I am it's only because of the medicinal values associated with Diet Coke.

I have to say, I've handled injuries or afflictions quite bravely in the past. When I was in 4th grade, the very exciting and quite sexy thing for any really cool 4th grade boy to do was race the bus home. If one hopped the schools back fence, one could run a series of back streets and be standing at the bus stop when the bus went by and act all smug at how you'd beaten everyone else home to the stop. It really was a badge of honor to have done it and I'm sure some day I'll receive some sort of award for the feat... Okay, so one fateful day we (myself, Brad Baker, and one other friend whose name at this time slips my memory) were racing the bus home when I turned to look at a car that was coming up behind us and slipped on some rocks and went head on with a brick mailbox. I was knocked out. My friends dragged me off the road and when I awoke I quickly got back to my feet and finished the race home, even though the bump on my forehead had gotten so large that it had split the skin and was now further out than my nose. But I was brave!

Another of my brave moments came when I had Bell's Palsy. Now I'll save you the hassle of doing a search on the web for it and tell it makes half of your face totally limp. Yes you look like Michael Douglas' dad looks now all the time. It's really sort of a social liability. I had to hold up half of my face all the time so people wouldn't be freaked out, never talk to me again, or just simply laugh their butts off! But throughout it all, I was truly very brave!

I only share these two experiences (two of MANY I assure you!) to let you know that when I report I'm dying of a stroke and heart attack I must be telling the truth and not be suffering from a case of hypochondriac-itis. Cause I'm tough!

If I'm alive tomorrow or not severely disabled I'll report how my bravery and desire to not succomb to the effects of the stroke and heart attack pulled me through. Maybe I'll write a book about my harrowing experience and inspire millions, nay, BILLIONS with my bravey, humility, and perseverence!