Tuesday, March 28, 2006

I wanna talk about "ME ME ME!"

Five Movies You Can Watch Over and Over:
1. "Top Gun"
2. "Fletch"
3. "The Matrix"
4. "Batman Begins"
5. "Spaceballs"

Five embarrassing Songs that You Know All the Words To:
1. "Ice Ice Baby" Vanilla Ice
2. "Bust-a-Move" Young MC
3. ANY song from Phantom of the Opera
4. "Oklahoma" from Rogers & Hammerstein's Oklahoma
5. "Wanna Talk About Me" Toby Keith

Five Memorable Halloween Costumes:
1. Bikini Wearing Weight Challenged Girl (Age 29)
2. Lion (Age 6)
3. Bum (Ages 9, 13, 15 & 18)
4. Country Guy (Age 27)
5. Missionary Wearing a Peanuts Halloween Tie (ages 19 & 20)

Five Celebrities You Believe May Secretly be Alien:
1. Mick Jagger
2. Tom Cruise
3. Prince (or is he still calling himself "Symbol?")
4. Paula Abdul
5. Clint Howard

Five Occupations that You Know You Could Never Do:
1. Gynecologist
2. Podiatrist
3. Entomologist (I'm with you there Kat!)
4. Truck Driver
5. Pope

Five Books You've Recently Read Outside of Schoolwork:
1. Cry of the Kalahari, Mark & Delia Owens
2. Angels & Demons and DaVinci Code (Second Time Each), Dan Brown
3. The Lincoln Lawyer, The Closers, Trunk Music, Blood Work, The Last Coyote, The Concrete Blonde, The Black Ice and The Black Echo, all by Michael Connelly
4. No Second Chance, Harlan Coben
5. Demolition Angel, Robert Crais

Five Ways to Perfectly Spend an Afternoon:
1. Golfing
2. At Lake Powell water-skiing
3. Sitting on the Beach in Maui (oh wait, that's me in 4 weeks!)
4. In a "Code Red"
5. Napping

Five Lines You Blatantly Stole From a Movie, TV, a Commercial, or Song:
1. "Where's the Beef?!" Old lady from old Wendy's commercials
2. "I love it when a plan comes together!" Hannibal from The A-Team
3. "It's all ball-bearings these days!" Fletch from Fletch
4. "Whop-bobaloobop a-whop-bam-boo!" Entire ensemble of "Grease"
5. "The world is waiting, good luck, travel safe" Phil Keoghan from Amazing Race

Not Your 5 Favorite Foods, But the 5 You're Most Likely Eating:
1. Water
2. Protein Shakes
3. Chef salad from Apollo burger
4. Any hot cereal
5. Stale Tostito chips

Saturday, March 25, 2006

Karl Malone and Me

So Karl Malone just had his jersey and number retired by the Utah Jazz. Sure he was a good basketball player, but I'll always remember him for the time he made me breakfast.

What? You haven't heard this story? Well, sit down, pull up a Diet Coke, and let me tell you how cool I am...

I was staying at his wife's bed & breakfast one weekend, and after I'd enjoyed the "bed" part of the deal, I went downstairs for the other half. As I'm going down the stairs, I hear a familiar voice. It's a melodic, Louisiana drawlesque voice. Descending the last flight of stairs I first see the shoes. Ski's might be a more accurate description, but whatever-size-shoe it was, it was BIG! Then came the calves. Sure, most of us would call them thighs, but I assure you, my eyes had not reached the knee level yet. Then the Clydesdale thighs came into view, and I think I actually considered going back upstairs, afraid maybe my AMEX didn't clear and he was waiting to kick the living money out of me.

I pressed forward. Only 4 steps to go. Down I went, to be met, face to sternum with Karl Malone, smiling broadly down at me, telling me "good morning!" He then proceeded to ask me what I wanted for breakfast. I chuckled stupidly. He asked me again, and again I chuckled, thinking surely he had to be joking. Finally, slowing his voice down, obviously believing I was in some way retarded or unable to communicate in English, he told me that his wife had called in a panic that morning saying her cook had called in sick, and Karl had volunteered to come and cook breakfast.

So finally convinced an NBA All-Star Power Forward was about to make me breakfast, I still stuttered. He asked me what I'd like, and I smoothly said something, rather retardedly like, "I don't know, what are you good at?"

He went into the kitchen, proceeded to make eggs, bacon and toast, serve it, and then sit down with his wife and chat with about the events of the day and week while I ate and acted like I was served breakfast every day of the week by an NBA All-Star and probably make sufficient comments to completely assure him I was, in fact, retarded.

So to Karl Malone, I say well done! Well done cooking those eggs, bacon and toast. Oh, and good job on that basketball thing you did.

Friday, March 17, 2006

Maybe I Can't Give Up...

In life, we give up our youth, we give up our parents home, we give up on calculus, we give up our big wheel, we give up our elementary, junior high and high school friends, we give up our first kiss, first love and first "time", we give up information leading to the suspension/interrogation/firing/arrest of a friend/co-worker/suspect, we give up trying to make that hot guy/girl want you, we give up summer vacation, we give up parent-paid-perks, we give up trying to write the Great American Novel, we give up thinking if you take three steps and then jump you can fly, we give up expecting a problem to occur and be solved in a 30 minute sitcom fashion, we give up playing sports that we suck at, we give up playing sports that kill our knees, we give up sports we don't enjoy, we give up bologna, we give up beloved pets, we give up old t-shirts we were planning for 20 years to make some sort of mural out of, we give up party plans when we're grounded, we give up the idea of becoming a Doctor when you find out medical school is only slightly less time-consuming than building a four-lane freeway from NY to LA, we give up so many things.... And yet... I can't give up Diet Coke...

One! Two! Three!

"Believe it or not, I'm walking on air, I never thought I could feel so FREEEEEE..."

Tuesday, March 07, 2006

A Little Color Here, None There...

It seems crazy I lie in a bed for 9-12 minutes to get color in my cheeks (top and bottom) and then leave plastic trays with bleaching gel in them in my mouth for 2 hours to get them whiter than white.

I guess the metro is back on the rail...