Monday, June 18, 2007

Oops I Buzzed It Again

As a show of solidarity with my good friend (and by "good friend" I mean, she worships me) Britney Spears, I decided to buzz my head. I wanted to show her that she wasn't alone in this topsy turvy world. It was important for me to show the rest of the world that it's OKAY to buzz one's head.

No I draw the line on my show of solidarity at wearing underwear. I must wear underwear when I wear short shorts. So I guess I'm not as solidare as I thought. And of course, there's the stint in rehab. I did spend a night in Milwaukee, which certainly has to count for some sort of rehab, cause like rehab, why else would you go there? And that tattoo? Well, I think it's fairly common knowledge my fear of needles, so that one goes without saying.

So Britney, I'm with you! Please just don't pierce your nipples, cause that would hurt!!!

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Wednesday, June 06, 2007

Societal Spacial Awareness

Someday, the term "Societal Spacial Awareness" or SSA, will be understood by all the world. And it will have it's roots with me. And I won't be bashful or modest about it, I will smile broadly and tell everyone to "back up, you're crowding me!"

SSA refers to many different situations. Too many to even list here, but I will give a couple for sake of understanding better what this earth-changing term is:

1 - When shopping at a grocery/warehouse/mall/anywhere, think about more than just yourself. Realize where you're at, what other people are doing there, and GET THE HELL OUT OF THE MIDDLE OF THE AISLE WHEN YOU'RE CONTEMPLATING LO-FAT VS. REGULAR!!!

2 - You've waited yourself for several long minutes to get gas at Costco. You've watched people in front of you dilly-dally in getting to their gas and cursed them for their laziness and inconsideration. Then, you get up there, unprepared to pay, pump or think... You turn into that same idiot that went before you. But now you think that you're in the position of power, you seem to lose your memory of 5 minutes before. I CURSE YOU!!!

3 - When loading a plane, you lament the fact that the plane is late, you're going to miss an all important TV show (The Office) and you aren't sure your TIVO is set. Finally the plane is ready to board, and what do you do? YOU STAND IN THE AISLE BLOCKING EVERYONE ELSE WHILE YOU GET OUT YOUR BOOK, PEN, PAPER, ETC... ALL THE WHILE FORGETTING YOUR BRAIN!!!

So you get the idea. It's a simple concept, but one not understood by many, if not most of the world. I plan to change that. It may be grass-roots, or even blockbuster, but I WILL get the point across and make people more aware!!! And if they don't, then I'm hoping to lobby Congress to put into law a bill allowing the culling of people who are Non-SSA people. If that fails (which would be a shame), I'll work to deport them all to a place where they'd fit right in... France.

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